101 Fish Puns That Will Split Your Gills

Here's what hap-puns when you're fishing for laughs.

With their vibrant colors, flippy fins, and aquariums festooned with faux castles and mermaids, fish live a pretty good life. And seeing them makes folks pretty happy, so it’s only natural that there are as many fish puns and fish jokes as there are, well, fish in the sea. (OK, that’s a slight exaggeration.)

Of course, if you sea a need to get specific, we’ve got shark jokes, as in jokes that are just about sharks (other sea animals need not apply). Or if you can’t bear another fish pun, there are always pig puns and duck jokes. But for now, why not read on and see what hap-puns?

Fish puns

1. Well, it’s oh-fish-ial.

2. Just like the tunafish sandwich said, I’ve got a feeling we’re not in cans-us anymore.

3. Hey, would you mind letting minnow what you think about this one?

4. Sure, but fishing for compliments is never becoming.

5. Tuna in next time for the funniest animal memes.

6. Oh, for heavens hake!

7. If you’re going for roe-mance, then you’ll want to consider the caviar.

8. That fish is so classy, it’s like he’s so-fish-ticated.

9. Paci-fish-ts don’t believe in the notion of man o’ war.

10. Cod this be any punnier?

11. I would make him walk the plankton for that.

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12. When belugas have a lot on their mind, they’re said to be beluga-ed.

13. When jellyfish act catty, it’s only because they’re jelly.

14. Speaking of being jelly, tunas were really miffed about the whole salmon-ella thing.

15. Perch-ance, is this seat taken?

16. How’s the calamari? Why, it’s ex-squid-sit, thank you.

18. When I grow up, I want to a bass-tro-physicist.

29. You can’t expect a squid to answer a tough question without inking about it first.

30. That’s the thing about squids…they ink too much.

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31. That fish is rich and famous, but she’s still Jenny from the had-dock.

32. Never fall in love with a blowfish. You’ll always get re-puffed.

33. When your fish boss is watching, you’d better look e-fish-ent.

34. The thing about calamari is you can never tell when it’s just squidding.

35. You’re blushing like a catfish that’s just seen the bottom of the ocean.

36. When a fish meets the love of their life, they say they’ve “met the gill of my dreams.”

Bass with bass-lighting jokerd.com, Getty Images

37. When another fish tries to make you think you’re cray-zy, tell them to stop bass-lighting.

38. Crayfish were offended by the publication of Eat Cray Love because they felt the lack of punctuation might send the wrong message.

39. The first book of the fish bible is called Craytion.

40. Surfing the net is great, unless, of course, you’re a fish.

41. Isn’t it a bit misleading to call thinly sliced raw beef carp-accio?

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42. Lobsters would get along a lot better with the other shellfish if they weren’t always trying to lobster things up.

43. It’s funny how fish never seem to know what you’re talking aboat.

44. The thing salmons don’t like about tunas is everything’s a big sea-cret.

45. Never try to talk to a fish before they’ve caf-fin-ated.

46. What did you think of the series fin-ale? Well, it wasn’t the bass-ed.

47. Fish children should piscine and not heard.

48. Have you heard the fisherman’s anthem? Osetra can you sea by the dolphin fish bite…

49. These days they let pretty much anyone o-fish-iate at weddings, as long as they have a certificate from the net.

Blue betta fish with betta punrd.com, Getty Images

50. If you think of a betta pun, be sure to drop us a line.

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Fish jokes

1. Q. Why did the two fish have to “take it outside”?

A. They were about to have a roe.

2. Q. How does a fish know when the party’s over?

A. Well, it’s obvious when it’s fin-ished.

3. Q. Why did the fisherman stop playing violin?

A. Because he was all out of tuna.

4. Q. What’s the best way for a fish to get to Canada?

A. Follow the “northern pike.”

6. Q. When you need a handyman, which fish do you call?

A. The mantis shrimp because he has his own hammer and he’s always happy to use it.

7. Q. Where can you find the down-and-out calamari?

A. On squid row.

8. Q. What’s the one fish that 40 percent of all Americans are afraid of?

A. Clownfish.

9. Q. Why did one fish slap the other?

A. To snapper out of it.

10. Q. Which fish has the worst haircut?

A. The mullet.

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11. Q. Why do most people dislike anchovies?

A. Because they’re a little fishy.

12. Q. How many tuna does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. They don’t. They call an electric eel.

13. Q. Where do you put an argumentative fighting fish?

A. It’s in de-beta-bowl.

14. Q. What does the salmon always say at closing time?

A. Time to lox up.

15. Q. What’s the only right answer when a salmon asks you for a light?

A. I didn’t know you smoked, salmon.

16. Q. What country can every fish trace their roots back to?

A. Finland.

17. Q. If Marcia Brady were a fish, what would her most famous line be?

A. Oh! Minnows!

18. Q. What’s the clownfish’s biggest fear?

A. That he’s not really all that finny.

19. Q. Why isn’t the bachelor fish married?

A. Because he has fin-timacy issues.

20. Q. What did the freshwater eel say to the salmon?

A. I don’t sea your point.

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21. Q. What did the introverted snail wish for more than anything?

A. That he could one day come out of his shell.

22. Q. What did the tuna say after the job interview?

A. Thanks for the oppor-tuna-ty.

23. Q. How do you know when something is fishy in the state of Denmark?

A. When Hamlet’s giving a speech that begins, “Tuna or not tuna, that is the question.”

24. Q. What does the walleye say to let you know he didn’t appreciate your last remark?

A. Walleye never been so insulted in my life.

25. Q. What does the bass say when the tilefish seems confused?

A. You’ve got that completely bass ackwards.

26. Q. When you visit your fish friends, what should you bring as a hospitality gift?

A. Anything but crabs.

Clam with clam-era punrd.com, Getty Images

27. Q. How do shellfish take photos?
A. With a clam-era.

28. Q. How can you tell the blowfish has been working out?

A. He gets to looking extremely puff.

29. Q. Why is the cost of living so affordable for a bay scallop?

A. They’re small, so they’re fine with living in an e-fish-ency.

30. Q. When do fish stage an intervention for a friend?

A. When they’ve hit rockfish bottom.

31. Q. When is it time for a fish to go to an eye doctor?

A. When they’re having trouble sea-ing.

32. Q. Who is the most famous fish spy?

A. James Pond.

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33. Q. What did the waiter say when the man complained his fish tasted funny?

A. Sir, did you or did you not order the clownfish?

34. Q. What did the fish husband say to the fish wife when she asked him how she looked.

A. You look fin honey, now stop fishing.

35. Q. Where do fish sleep?

A. In the riverbed.

36. Q. What’s it called when a fish can’t carry a tune?

A. They’re tuna-deaf.

Puffer fish with jokerd.com, Getty Images

37. Q. How can you tell the puffer-fish had too much salt at dinner?

A. He’s looking blow-ted.

38. Q. What happens when a fish spends too much time on his computer?

A. There’s a risk of carp-al tunnel.

39. Q. How do you get an octopus to giggle?

A. Ten-tickles.

40. Q. What did one fish lawyer say to the other?

A. My client’s going to need a minute to mullet over.

41. Q. Where do shrimp go for cash in a pinch?

A. To the prawn shop.

42. Q. What did the dentist say to the super-anxious shark?

A. Jaws relax.

43. Q. What does telephone solicitor fish say when the person they’re calling picks up the phone?

A. Cod I have a moment of your time?

44. Q. Why do fish try to stay on the good side of their monarch?

A. Well, otherwise they’d be royally scrod.

45. Q. What did one fatty tuna say to the other?

A. We’re in this together, toro and toro.

46. Q. What does the fish say when it’s had it “up to here”?

A. That’s the last craw.

47. Q. Why does it seem like there are never any job openings at the fish company?

A. They’re scaling back.

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48. Q. For fish astronauts, what’s the final frontier?

A. Trouter space.

49. Q. How much money does Gill Gates have?

A. A gillion dollars.

50. Q. What does the great white shark wear under his kill-t?

A. Nothing because once he’s an adult, he’s no longer focused on the bottom.

51. Q. How do fish with difficulty hearing communicate?

A. Piscine language.

Lauren Cahn
Lauren Cahn is a New York–based writer whose work has appeared regularly on Reader's Digest and in a variety of other publications since 2008. She covers life and style, popular culture, law, religion, health, fitness, yoga, entertaining and entertainment. Lauren is also an author of crime fiction, and her first full-length manuscript, "The Trust Game," was short-listed for the 2017 CLUE Award for emerging talent in the genre of suspense fiction.